NAACP to Birds Of A Feather Union: "Drop Your Discrimination Agenda"

AMERICA, USA

"If it's a choice between fight or flight, we'll do both."
Cherry Maynard, on behalf of the Birds Of A Feather. 

Following a series of statements made by Union Head, Cherry Maynard to TIME Magazine, the NAACP has stepped up to bat with the long-established B.O.F. Union, pressuring a change in leadership as well as an official refurbishment of its noted slogan, from “Birds Of A Feather Stick Together” to “Birds: A United Front Of Aviation.”

Cherry Maynard, presumably on behalf of the union she represents, has publicly maintained that she, nor her 191,000 card-carrying members will back down from her potentially damaging statements made on eagles, large insects and flamingos bred in captivity, on the grounds of historical association, "time honored tradition" and basic First Amendment Rights.

“My grandfather’s grandfather’s grandfather held the same values I do today. I refuse to be criminalized and degraded over Reverend Al Sharpton’s accusation of ‘discrimination’”

After much cyber-bullying, Reverend Al Sharpton refused comment to ANNT staff writer, Darien Clark.   

Family Of Birds Shocked By Surprise Eviction Notice From Christian Bale’s Beard

LOS ANGELES, CA

Picture from just four days ago. All parties
appear accepting of the living situation.

        Nightmares came true Wednesday morning for the Hatchers, a family of birds, who found themselves with an unexplained Notice of Eviction from local actor, Christian Bale, who claimed that his beard was to be renovated into condominiums, well out of the price range for the effected family. The hand-written note came without proper procedural documentation from Mr. Bale, who’s lawyers have declined comment to ANNT. Suddenly finding themselves homeless and confused, the Hatchers are taking the actor to court.

        “[Mr. Bale] has always treated us with respect and had, over all, maintained an open communication about all tenant issues. This was such a shock,” Linda Hatcher says through bridled tears, “We’ve been through so much together.”

        Mr. Bale’s security guard, when confronted by ANNT Celebrity and Avian Rights Correspondent, Darien Clark, quickly denied all allocations and insinuated that Miss Clark was “trespassing on private property.” Darien Clark, retorted that it was “in the name of Justice, something ‘The Batman’ should understand,” right before she was forcibly extracted from the Malibu estate late last night.

        The Hatchers, while waiting for, said, Justice have found a new home in Robin William’s chest hair. “He’s a beautiful man,” says Mrs. Hatcher, “A charitable, giving and beautiful man."

Wolf Scheduled To Appear In Court Over Copyright Dispute With Williamsburgh, Brooklyn

NEW YORK, NY

One of the many pieces of filed evidence where wolf, Edgar
Wingett, has pointed out the illegal use of his likeness.

        Howling Wolf, Edgar Wingett, is seeking legal action against the entire Brooklyn neighborhood of Williamsburgh over alleged copyright infringement and illegal mobilization of shirts with Mr. Wingett’s image screen-printed across the breast of the tee shirt.

        “I own all rights to my image and likeness from that photo shoot,” Mr. Wingett has gone on record as saying. “Any and all use of that image has to pay royalties to my Estate. When I personally visited Brooklyn and saw the perpetrators, I think people were screaming because they knew I was there and I was not happy with the illegal use of my image. Point blank: I will get what is mine.”

        NYPD and Animal Control Services were quickly called onto the scene and, allegedly, Mr. Wingett and his family: wife, Marsha Wingett, and cubs: Lucy, Kyle and Marshall were quickly chased out of the borough and told to never come back. Neither government department gave confirmation of any events involving Mr. Wingett, or the alleged verbal abuse of the pack. 

        “That wolf is über critical, acute and consummately suffocating,” says Williamsburgh legal representation, Mr. Gabriel “Ethno” Giai-Martinez. “like, for totes."

        Mr. Wingett is scheduled to commence court proceedings on April 19^th, assuming Williamsburgh deems the date significant-in-the-grand-scheme-of-life-and-living enough to attend.