LOS ANGELES, CA
The Association For Pet Obesity Prevention estimates that the obesity rate among America’s dogs has been on the rise for years, topping off at a record high this year of 78%. Thanks to the introduction of “trans fats” into standard dog kibble, the influx of irrational and projecting pet owners and the ever increasing chemical enhancement of dog treats such as Beggin© Strips, America’s dog population is at an all-time high risk of diabetes, arthritis, high blood pressure and other diseases.
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| Chowface. |
“What an awesome time to be a dog,” declares Dozer, a French Bulldog-Schnauzer mix. “Oh God. Everything tastes amazing! I wake up every morning, just happy to be here. Our quality of life has really improved.”
“It used to be that the American Dream involved working hard your entire life and working your way up from rags to riches,” says Chowface, a canine based out of Metro Los Angeles, “The American Dream of today, and for my generation, is to wake up, do nothing and get rewarded for it with food. It’s my right to eat what I want, when I want and how ever much I want of it; America has finally lived up to it’s title. This is truly the land of the free.”
Most of the dogs interviewed, when given the option between a bowl of lean protein based kibble or a slow cooker filled with melted butter naturally gravitated towards the latter, ANNT Scientist Team Member, Darien Clark affirms. A recent finding, in fact, concludes that dogs have no internal compass as far as nutrition is concerned. “I know there are consequences of my actions,” Chowface continues, lying on his side due to stomach ulcer-induced cramps, butter slowly dripping down his snout, “but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. It’s my American right to eat whatever I want and my American choice as to whether or not I have to go fetch that ball; and you know what? I never fetch it.” 
A truly inspiring story. Bravo.
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