Political Newcomer, Speckles Is Front Runner In Local Tennessee Election

COTTAGE GROVE, TN

University of Tennessee Political Science 

Professor, Dr. Daniel Young states that 

Speckles’ relaxed demeanor and apparent

 optimism appeal to the voters of today.            

County and State officials remain baffled as local horse, Speckles, continues to dominate pre-election polls.

            “This horse has no political background, no notion of the issues our county faces and, frankly, I would be utterly surprised to hear that he has any level of collegiate education, or any comparable trade school diploma,” local incumbent City Council Leader, Dutch Sniper has stated on public record and in his various ad campaigns. “And he's a horse… Am I the only one that sees that?”

            Cottage Grove horse advocate groups have stepped out, staking claim against Councilman Sniper's apparent prejudice in the matter, gaining public backing and polarizing voter demographics all over the county. Staging protests outside Councilman Dutch Sniper's private residence and sit-ins at the local Wal-Mart, outspoken equestrian rights group, Horse Organizations Requesting Social Equality (HORSE) has made their point loud and clear by recruiting voters from all walks of life.             

            “It just feels so good to wake up and feel like I'm making a difference,” Chase Atkins exclaims on the picket line outside Councilman Snipers property line, holding up a sign that reads: GOD DOESN'T HATE STAGS. GOD HATES YOU, DUTCH SNIPER. “I feel like Malcolm X, except with horses. Equus Americans are equal citizens and should be treated as such. The fact that such prejudice and hate is tolerated on a public level is absolutely disgusting. It makes me sick to my stomach,” he says, lighting a smoke bomb.

            Speckles did not give recorded comment, but seems very excited over the entire political progress. His representative and campaign manager, local tobacco farmer, David McAlister, went on record as stating “I'm just [pleased] the public has really taken to the idea. It's been really nice to see the community come together. If that isn't a testament to democracy, I don't know what is,” he takes off his hat, “I've gotten a lot of drinks bought for me in the past few weeks; Mainly because I signed my horse up for public office, but also because of Democracy.”

            Dutch Sniper, in his most recent public statement proclaimed, moonshine jug in hand, “You're all a bunch of --- fools. It's a God --- horse, y'all! Jesus Christ!”